Building a relationship with good foundations

In times when light relationships seem to predominate, many people are eager to form a lasting partner. A relationship is built from desire and from decision, it can begin from online dating sites and then, after about six month, the case is much more serious. For a structure to be solid it has to have a good foundation. Many people dream of finding the love of their lives and imagine a Hollywood movie setting where they will live happily and eat partridges. It happens, as in the movies that people meet and fall in love. But for a couple to be born and grow up in a healthy and nutritious way there must be a decision on both sides. If you are willing to embark on the love affair with someone, you have to be prepared to:
•    Face a project of two: all very fun with a romantic weekend on the coast. But a relationship is much more than that. Do you want to be empathetic, supportive, and tolerant and a good partner? Then it is likely that your desire to have a life partner can be seen in reality.
•    Accept the other: this means welcoming the multiple dimensions of each being, whether you like it or not. We are all lights and shadows. Of course people can evolve but we all have a history, a personality, dreams and fears. When two beings meet, there are also two Universes, probably very different, and you have to work to coexist.
•    Want to share: many men and women say they want to be with someone but are not willing to resign any of their structures, habits, spaces or times. There are couples with greater freedoms than others but building a relationship requires the willingness to share with the other.
•    Respect the other person: Although it seems to fall mature that respect is a fundamental requirement in any relationship, many people communicate by denial, based on criticism and sarcasm. If there is no respect, whatever the order of life, there is no good foundation.
•    Appreciate how good the other person can offer: we all want to be recognized and valued. The psychologist John Gottman calls "masters of relationships" those people who have that mental habit by which they look for things to appreciate, things to be able to say "thank you". At the other extreme are those who focus only on the mistakes and shortcomings of their partner.
•    To achieve flow with the changes: most couples are born of the passion that awakens the infatuation. The "butterflies in the stomach" last a while and you have to have the emotional intelligence to make these flying beasts into projects.


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